(This post has nothing to do with anything that usually appears here. Just go with it.)

On a November Monday 30 years ago, the morning crew arrived at the radio station, a little pre-fab house in the country, to find a bedraggled cat sitting on the front stoop. It invited itself inside, hopped up on the couch in the reception area, and went to sleep. On Friday of that week, the cat came home with me, and stayed five months shy of 20 years. Sophie wanted nothing more than to spend her days sitting on my lap while I worked on the computer in my office and to spend her nights sleeping at my hip, the purest embodiment of love I have ever known. We had other cats: Abby, our first, who died in 2006, and the sisters Meeka and Maizie, who died in 2019 and this past summer. But Sophie was my favorite, and as we do not intend to have any more cats, she will hold that title for all time. 

During her last couple of years, Sophie went to the vet two or three mornings a week for intravenous fluids to help her failing kidneys. While I sat and waited, I wrote cat haikus, which I posted on Twitter. Most of them were written in 2011 and 2012, the year Sophie passed, although a couple were written several years later, after we’d acquired Maizie and Meeka. 

Cat haiku morning
Working here and there all day
Beer haiku tonight

Cat is at the vet
Time for vet haiku again
Cuz why the hell not

Screw the cat haiku
Cat got up at 3:30
I need sleep haiku

At the vet today
Wearing my thrift store denim
Yes, they are used pants

The cat got to ride
In the new car to the vet
She was not impressed

At the vet again
Might as well pass the time by
Writing vet haiku

Two cats at the vet
First one cat, then the other
Then I have a beer

Cat is at the vet
Didn’t win Mega Millions
How to pay the bill?

Here’s my PIN number
Just take whatever it costs
Call me when I’m broke

We are at the vet
The cat is quite unhappy
“They’re gonna do WHAT?!”

Cat haiku today
Is made up entirely
Of obscenities

We are at the vet
They named a wing after us
Back two cat$ ago

We are at the vet
The cat protesteth loudly
As if I give a

Cat is at the vet
Yada yada yada ya
Da yada yada

We are at the vet
Animal tranquilizers?
Shoot me up with some

We are at the vet
Where do you suppose they keep
The really big drugs?

We are at the vet
Sleet and rain will not deter
Nor lethargy stop

Cat is at the vet
Yup, we’re at the vet again
Where else would we be?

Cat is at the vet
Cat is always at the vet
How’d we get so old?

Cat is at the vet
Cat is always at the vet
Owner in same rut

On this fine spring day
We experience the new
Except at the vet

Morning at the vet
The cat is brown, white, and gray
Owner is just gray

At the vet again
Poetic inspiration
Is hard to come by

Cat is at the vet
Owner extremely grumpy
You finish the poem

We were at the vet
We did not feel like writing
Find your own damn poem

Two cats, two vet trips
Write vet one really big check
Then go drink two beers

Cat is at the vet
She is going to outlive me
Which is just fine, thanks

Cat is at the vet
She just might live forever
I hope that I don’t

At the vet again
Elderly cat is fading
Owner fading too

One last cat haiku
Sophie has left the planet
But never our hearts